Through the eyes of a child...

I know I have been lax on my blogging as of late. I lay the blame solely on my good friend Jaleh, who writes a wonderful weekly article and steals all my ideas. Ok, she may not steal them per se since she is writing about them first…but I always read her articles and say yeah, that would have made a good blog…never mind. And so, I am left with nothing.

This one shall be short and sweet. It’s Christmas Eve (did you notice?) and I have to say this year…I am almost more excited that the children are. I guess because Addison is 6 now and inching closer to the that fence of whether or not Santa is real. I know the inevitable will come and he will first straddle the fence and then leap over it. But this year…he is still 100% a believer and it just warms my heart. He believes so honestly it’s infectious. Maybe there is a Santa Clause after all. One of my Facebook friends was confronted by her child and demanded the truth. Not willing to just say bluntly, there is no Santa…all a big lie, she told the following explanation. Long ago, there was a Santa Clause that helped all the little children. When he died, a little piece of his soul went into the hearts of all the mommies and daddies in the world and those yet to come. So, Mommy and Daddy carry on the Santa tradition so that Santa can live on. When you become a Mommy or Daddy, you will find your little piece of Santa in your heart and help keep his memory alive. I think that is perfect.

This year, we have been doing the Elf on the Shelf. Addison insists that we leave “Elfian” a cookie as well. And the reindeer need carrots and water as well. And he is very concerned, and in fact confessed he had worried about ALL DAY at school, that the firewood is blocking the fireplace opening and Santa may not be able to get down. We remedied that asap.

And through the eyes of a child…this has become one of my favorite Christmas memories: A few Christmas’ ago, Addison and I were lying in bed Christmas eve as I was desperately trying to get him to go to sleep as I had much still to do. We were talking about Santa and the sleigh and did maybe we hear some hoofs on the roofs? I mentioned something about jingle bells, when all of a sudden, we heard for real….jingle bells! Addison and I stared at each other wide-eyed and burst into giggles. He said “Mama…I heard them, I heard them!” I shouted, “I did too!” I was so surprised and so excited, I actually had tears in my eyes. We talk about it every year now. A silent thank you to our mystery ringer for giving me a memory to cherish forever.

For some reason this year, I got my Christmas groove on and not only got cards out early, I wrapped all the presents and have completed all the incidental shopping. Needless to say, the plethora of presents under the tree have been quite the temptation for Young Master Addison. As always, we have spoiled the children horrendously with insane amounts of presents. I tried to be good and rationalize by not buying one huge, expensive gift; I would save money and get several smaller gifts. WRONG! But, there is just something about hundreds (ok, 34 to be exact…but that is for all 5 of us) of presents under the tree. Every day, he has come up with a new and fantastic excuse to open one, or some, early. And they say children have no imaginations anymore! I have been quite impressed with his negotiation tactics…one being that if I let him open some now, I won’t have as much mess to clean up Christmas morning. So thoughtful is my son.

The babies have just been excited about the tree, the ornaments, the Twinkle Twinkle (The star on top). Pictures of our tree don’t do it justice, but this year the twins helped decorate. There is a definite consolidation of ornaments right about toddler height, with two or three hung on the same poor twig. They don’t realize there are toys in the presents (yet. Big Brother was helpful pointing that out to them the other day. I think it was a ploy to get them to open some, so he could, in all things being fair and equal, then get to open some as well)…they just can’t resist the bows and bright paper of the actual present. They will appear in a room clutching a package; grinning from ear to ear.

I wish that we could be with our families; I miss them all so much, especially at the holidays, however there is also something to be said for just the 5 of us enjoying the day with leisure. This year too, we have been talking more about the true meaning of Christmas and how it’s better to give than receive. (Note to Tom: You would feel better to GIVE me the iTouch 64 gig and I promise to not rejoice in the receiving of it too much…….)

So to all of you out there…Merry Christmas…Happy Holidays and enjoy the season. Remember what it stands for no matter what religion you are…Good Will and Peace Towards Man.

I have no business being 40!

I am official 40 years and 30 days old today.

What?!?!!? That is just crazy talk. Since when did I become 40? And middle aged? My husband very helpfully pointed out that we are now officially middle-aged.

Have you ever just stopped, and metaphorically looked around you? You cruise along, minding your own business and living your life in a bubble of memories coupled with the right now. Meaning, your just doing what you are doing. Then, you stop and look around. What the h-e-double hockey sticks happened? Where has the time gone? Wait, my parents are how old? They have grandkids? Wait, *I* have kids??????

All of a sudden it hits you. I am 40. I am raising children. I have a marriage. I have a career. I am responsible(ish). I have a will, life insurance and a mortgage. Huh. Really….when did this happen? As the saying goes, you are only as old as you feel. Well…physically I feel about 75, so that doesn’t count. Mentally, I feel like I should have stopped around 26. Instead of having birthdays, I have been celebrating the ANNIVERSARY of my 26th birthday…so this past one was the 14th Anniversary of my 26th birthday. But even now…that seems a bit off the mark. I think I have reached the mental age of maybe 33? That seems more comfortable.

Just another example of getting older. I had to readjust my fake birthday. And how about those celebrity crushes? Take my Red Sox for example…there are several good looking young players on the team that I am sure all the clip-clop girls and teenies all pine over…..but do you know who my Red Sox crush is? Tim Wakefield…age 43. Why? He is solid, dependable and really good looking. Sure, I appreciate a young toy boy; they might be nice to look at but that’s it. I need more than that. I find it amusing that an “older” man will catch my eye easier than a young “hottie”.

My age definitions have changed. I remember 40 being OLD…well, now that’s me. And I am not old. I can still rock out with the best of them…I still listen to rock radio on 11 in the car (without the children of course)…I still laugh myself silly over movies like “Zach and Mira Make a Porno” and “Superbad” (ok, some of those were shocking even for a hipster like me…). But, you get the point.

But, here is where everything changes….

I began writing this on Veteran’s Day. I just forwarded a wonderful email about how our petty complaints compare to what our vets and soldiers have gone through in support of our freedom. I received back a response from someone that was two-fold. She recently lost her son, who was 35, to a long battle with ALS. Here is her response:

“Kerri,So very true! I think about these same things often...I find myself having to hold my tongue at times too, when people complain about how growing old is so awful. Do they know how lucky they are? Particularly when they are healthy. Bless you for supporting our troops. Love, M-“

Wow…this stopped me in my tracks. God works in mysterious ways! I was going to continue on with the typical age jokes, etc. but really, I need to stop and think. I Am blessed to be 40! I am blessed that my parents are in their late 60’s and healthy. I am blessed that my children are growing healthy and strong. While I may lament the passing of each milestone, I should remember that we are blessed to have these milestones, and to be thankful for each one.

So, while you might all of a sudden realize, OMG..I am 40! Who cares? Find it funny, embrace it and life and be thankful you have had the chance to be 40. Besides….isn’t it the new 30?

xoxox

Kerri

Let Them Eat Cake!

Well…after the last post of woe-is-me, it's toooooo hard being a parent….I thought maybe I should look at the opposite. All the great things about being a parent. Now, I have been told and I think it is true..I was born to be a mommy. I can't pass up the opportunity to pick up a kid and give them a cuddle. At day care, all my little "friends" come up to me and want hugs and kisses (my own children usually just ignore me when I say goodbye, despite the chorus' of goodbyes from the other friends…). I still have to go into the Infant Room and get my baby fix, even though my kids have long outgrown that room. If we weren't so poor, and my husband would divorce me…I would have even more kids. I would go for triplets this time…twins were too easy. Bring it!

Their sweet little hands and feet. I am a sucker for baby feet…playing with them when they curl their toes around, and tickling them. I love their little one-tooth smiles…I even love their bottom lip pouts when they are not getting their way. The big crocodile tears that (usually) are so easily fixed with a some hugs and tickles. A favorite trick with the toddler and older set when they are pouting and sad is I say "There better not be any smiles in there….there better not be any smiles in there!"….guaranteed they smile and laugh despite struggling to maintain the pout. How easy would it be to march up to an enemy in war and say…"There better not be any smiles in there…." and solve the world problems. That would be nice.

I love how easy it is to make them happy…it's the little things. Sometimes your first reaction is the standard "No"…you really don't have a good reason not to let them do whatever, but that is just what came out first. I have to stop myself and say, is it really that big of a deal? Why couldn't I just have said "yes"? I then make a big show and debate over the issue and all the while they are standing there, holding their breath, waiting with big round eyes for me to "decide"…..and then I say…"Yes, you may". You would have thought they won the lottery what with all the jumping and clapping and squealing. Of course, now that my son is 6, he tries to catch himself before doing all that and replaces it with a "Sweet", pulling his elbow back in that cool kid motion.

Cake for Breakfast. Enough said. I think I have maybe let him have cake for breakfast twice. One time he asked and I said yes, and one time I suggested it. Both times he nearly fainted dead on the floor. He still talks about it…he can tell you what kind of cake, what day it was, what he was wearing, where we sat to eat it, what the Dow Jones average was and what was playing on TLC. Something so small and trivial can have the biggest impact. I have never felt so good about something and that is a moment I too will always remember. And then there are the boo-boo cuddles. When they are not really hurt, but they lay their head on your shoulder, still crying, but give you little pats. You stroke their hair, rock them back and forth and sing them your special song. A kiss from mommy on the boo-boo and in a split second, they are magically cured and off and running. My favorite boo-boo story was when my oldest son fell and hurt his bum-bum. He came to find me, turned around and presented his bum and said he needed a boo-boo kiss. He was about 3, and very serious. What's a Mommy to do? Of course I gave him a kiss, laughing all the time, and sent him on his way, magically cured as always.

I am continually amazed at their development. Watching them grow from a tiny infant, to a never still toddler, to a (almost) big boy 6 year old is like a live-in science / social experiment. How quick and fast they learn. That is one of my greatest joys; being able to teach them something new and watch as they try it out. Each "I did it!" exclamation fills me with the same sense of accomplishment.

Hugs and kisses, silly dances, made up songs, playing and sharing with each other, boo-boo kisses, tickle fights, falling asleep in your arms, watching butterflies and birdies flying, reading stories, playing chase me, cake for breakfast, unconditional love…….

xox

Kerri

What? Parenting is hard? Who said?

I don't know why people would complain that parenting is hard. Once I read through the 876,548,992 page manual "Step by Step - How to be a parent" that they gave me at the hospital, it has been so easy... IN BIZZARO WORLD...

So, shocker...being a parent is really, really hard! As we know, there are no real manuals; there is almost no-one that can tell you what to do and it's going to actually work. This is all by the seat of your pants...and my pants are pretty thin.

I don't mean to alienate anyone reading that does not have children...but it might help to explain our irrational behavior at times. First, I love all 3 of my children more than life itself. They are my total world and existence and I really mean that. However, there are times when being a parent just really, really sucks!

What is being a parent? There are the basic elements - the physical care and feeding of your child; the clothing; education; the basic fundamental needs. Then there are the moral obligations if you will; teaching your child right from wrong; how to love; share; be friends, what is socially acceptable, etc. These are the hardest...am I doing this right? What if I am doing it wrong, am I scarring them for life? I mean, I am not perfect myself...what if I have been doing it wrong all these years and now I am supposed to teach someone else? It's very scary when you stop and think about it.

I started thinking about this topic recently as my oldest son has been having some "issues". He just started 1st grade and came from a very loosy-goosy private kindergarten that our daycare had. So it was going from a free-for-all class of 6, to a for real this is big kid now class of 25 in a real live school. Needless to say...there have been some adjustments. (Re. the 6 afore mentioned phone calls from the school...). He's acting out a bit in class; mainly talking too much (can't imagine where he got that from!). He has some trouble focusing and paying attention. But the disturbing bit is he is getting into some altercations with other kids. Some he is just retaliating, and some he started. He also has been acting up at home, more than normal. What makes all this worse, is this is not like him. I know it's the Mama Mantra of "This is not my boy, he would never do anything like that. It's not like him". Well...on one hand that is true, but on the other, he did. If he was like this constantly, then maybe it would be easier because we have something concrete to deal with and to expect. But, he is usually so sweet and even natured, that this phase is hard to understand.

Now, I know this a little bit normal for 6 year old boys and I should not get over freaky. And really, his transgressions are not the main point here. The main point, is how do we handle? This is where it gets hard. My husband and I have finally seen a pattern; the harder we come down on him, the worse he gets. It's a vicious cycle of which everyone is a loser. He cries, I cry; we all get frustrated. There are times where I just want to give up and say fine, forget it, do what you want, I don't care. And I have said that. And I have felt like the biggest failure as a parent. And surprisingly, he doesn't like it either. He looks at me like, what? I am not getting in trouble? He is confused, and I know that even he knows he needs boundaries, limits, and the dreaded consequences.

But, this is what I signed up for,right? I love the smiles, the games, the giggles, the wet, sloppy kisses, the sweet hugs and cuddles. I love when they learn new things and are so excited. I just love when they are happy. It would be wonderful if that was all it is, but it's not. So, here is where we take the good with the bad. And this is where being a parent can suck. Who wants to make their child cry because you have punished them? You can only use your parent tune-out for so long before you realize how upset they truly are. But, you have to stand your ground...and it is your responsibility to do this. You can't give up on them, or yourself. Sometimes, it takes every ounce of my energy to not completely lose it on them...the frustration just builds so much. This is when I know I just have to remove myself from the situation. Tom and I have learned when to butt in on each other and suggest the other one just walk away for a bit. I am very lucky to have such a wonderful partner that can help me, and I him.

And the thing is...he is only 6! We have many, many more years of this. And I have a feeling being a parent never actually ends, even when they grow up and have their own family. I just recently witnessed this with my own mother. My parents were here for a visit and my son and I were having a typical stand off. I could see my mother struggling with something within herself. I know she desperately wanted to put in her two cents, but on the other hand, she knew I needed to do this myself as the mother, whether I was doing it right or wrong. The old live and learn lesson. She was torn with being the parent (to me) and being an observer.

I guess what kills me the most, is you just want your child to be happy. No matter what or how. And sometimes that is just not possible. We can't make the other kids like them; we can't stop him from doing dumb things, we can't make him remember "Oh, if I do this...I will get in trouble like last time".

What we can do is be there and love him. My old saying is that sometimes, you just have to stop and hold the baby. I learned this from the beginning...you might be busy, you might not be in the mood, but sometimes, they just really need you and you just have to stop and hold the baby. That baby might be 3 months old, be 6 years old, be 18 years old, but you still just need to stop. And amazingly, it will do yourself a world of good as well.

I know a lot of this was disjointed, it was more getting it off my chest. Admitting to myself that it IS hard, I don't have all the answers and there are going to be times that I just want to walk away and say whatever, but I can't. This is what being a parent is about....

Long story short...we have eased up a bit on the punishments, have worked out smiley face systems where if he gets x number of smiley faces from school and home then he gets a treat. (not toys, but something special like lunch out with Mom, or go to a movie or something.) I have been letting him set schedules and have more control. It seems to be working. He is doing much, much better at school and at home.

Sure, this is not over...sure there are going to be setbacks. (Call me tonight around 8 when he is still at the table pushing the peas around on his plate...), but we are all in this together. I hope this helps somewhat...knowing there is someone else feeling the same way maybe? I am willing to bet one or two of you might have felt like this a little. And if not....did you really read the 876,548,992 page manual and can you lend it me????

And for the love of all things parenting...if you have any pearls of wisdom...please share with the class!

And finally, to answer the question...is it worth it??? Absolutely and emphatically YES! For every hysterical meltdown, there are 10 times the laughing and giggles and kisses and funny sayings and silly dances and made up songs and pure love. So yes, definately worth it.

What did I learn today? Don't eat chili at work...ooh...both gross and childish...a two-fer for you. I can't be serious all the time! :-)

xox

Kerri

Round Two...Easy-Peasy

Ok, kids in bed...check. Kitchen cleaned....well, kinda...we had special McDonalds treat night, so we didn't generate dinner dishes, so what's the point of unloading the dishwasher for just a few cups and our lunch things? So, if you checked with Tom, he might give you a different point accompanied by the famous Donovan Frown, so actually, don't check with Tom. Plus he's in bed reading with his old man glasses on. He won't find out until the morning.

Where was I? Kitchen cleaned...let's give it a half-hearted check. Twins lunches made...check. My cat Ethan curled up in the chair next to me...snoring...check. (Have you ever heard a cat snore? Come over and listen...).

Comfy at the PC and ready to Blog...check.

Ok, then go...Blog....

Ummm...go? 1-2-3- GO Blog....hmmm...nothing.

Pause....I have been watching the cursor blink for like 3 minutes. Still nothing. Ok, this is not quite what I had in mind. Fantasizing in my car about the world changing blog I had created the other night, I envisioned sitting down as an evening ritual and banging off some incredibly inspiring bit of wisdom just waiting to be read by the masses.

Um, right.......I have 3 followers....one is one of my bestest friends and I made her do it. One is someone I don't think I know, and one (Bless her soul) is a dear friend who actually did it on her own. I sent the link to my mom, and I am not sure she has even read it. Ego blow?

All besides the point, because actually, I don't really know what to say or what I want this blog to be. Do I take the cutesy route and have daily stories about my cherubs? Do I attempt to have a knowledgeable discussion about events of the world? Do I hand out pearls of wisdom on parenting (me of the 6 phone calls from the Vice-Principal parent, HA!) Do I just prattle on with nonsense?

Sigh, this is going to be much harder than I thought. So, what do I want out of this? Hmmm...well, honestly, to entertain people would be one. To use this space as a kind of therapy for myself; some light hearted soul-searching if you will. Like I said previously, I need some direction in my life. I need something that is for ME. I know none of you out there ever feel like that...

I have limited resources...ie. we's poor...so I can't really do anything money wise. I have limited time...ie. I work full time and have 1 husband, 3 kids (twin 2 year olds, so that raises the ante right there...they are really the equivalent of 3 kids, so it's like having 4 kids) 2 cats, a house and Facebook. (just kidding on the last one...actually not. That does take up a lot of my time especially because I have to somehow beat Kevin in Suduku and make sure that Rob doesn't beat my Mahjong score. Then there's the obligatory "liking" of everyone's pictures, my daily status reports and the witty responses to my friend's statuses). So, anyway, I don't have a lot of time to do something extra and too involved. This seems like a good outlet.

Eventually, I do want to get involved in stuff; give back to the community, etc. I am not sure this blog will help with that, but getting my ideas set out might spur me on to actually follow through with some of them.

I will have to ponder this some more. I think maybe I will include in each one..."What did I learn today?" because that is something worthwhile.

What did I learn today? (oops...blinking cursor again) (still blinking cursor) I learned some work stuff yesterday...does that count? Ok, this is really hard....you try it. Try and think of something worthwhile you learned from the day. Let's make this our pact...we will all try and come up daily with something worthwhile that we have learned that day. That should be a good thing, right? It can be good or bad; it can be small or earth shattering. If you get a chance...post them to my comments. (BTW (That's By The Way for my parents benefit...), the comments are not showing and I can't figure out what the deal is. There is a little pencil at the bottom and you can click on that.)

Sorry, procrastinating....still have not come up with my learning. Ummm....ok, well, this isn't new per se...but rather reinforced...there is nothing better than picking up your kids from daycare / school and they drop everything and come running over to you screaming MOMMY! at the top of their lungs. In that instance I am the most important person in the world and you can almost physically see the bond between yourself and the children; tying you together for eternity.

Ok, well strangely my pinkie finger has fallen asleep as has my left foot, so maybe I should quit for now. I am going to catch the rest of the game "GO RED SOX!!!!" (That will be a blog unto itself) and finish reading the new Dan Brown book on my blackberry (Barnes and Noble e-Reader...awesome).

xox

Kerri - Blogger

My First Time...

So, to blog or not to blog? Actually, I am not quite sure what a "blog" is. However, I have been told several times I should "blog", so here I am.

So, I am taking the plunge. Imagine as I timidly approach a huge door marked "BLOG". I open it, and in a small squeaky voice say...hello? BLOG BLOG BLOG BLOG, whirlwinds of blogs zoom past the open door (Think Poltergeist when they open the door to the kid's bedroom to show that tiny witch lady, after the closet sucked the kids away.)

What am I doing? All these bloggers have something IMPORTANT to say...I am just yet another funny mommy, living my life. (Shoo, I say to that skeleton guy riding the horse...I'll put you in time out and give you a one-two-three spanking!)

We really have Facebook to blame. I admit...I might, might be a little bit of a facebook addict. And I just might find the "What's on your mind?" spot a little too confining. If you have ever gone back and edited out the "ands" and replaced them with & and maybe written a few words in texting...you know what I mean. BTW...don't worry about the fancy texting here...I am not 12. You will get the basic LOL, LMAO, BTW and maybe a smiley face or two....that's about it.

So anyway...my point here? Don't have one. I just need an outlet for my day-to-day mommy dramas. I do enjoy writing however....missed my calling. Should have been a copy writer or the person that writes the blurbs on stupid.com for their products...that would be a dream job!

So rules...

No politics...unless something just gets my goat and I feel the need to generate a letter. Seldom happens. Sometimes I respond to a political thing on FB and then I feel guilty if I happen to go against the tide (since I am still a "please like me" teenager at heart) so I usually just stay out of it.

My spelling and grammar are atrocious. If I spelled that right, it's because of spell check, but usually even spellcheck gives up on me.

I would welcome and love feedback (as long as it's pure adoration for me). I encourage discussions, comments, tales of your own, etc. I assume you can do that here; not positive as this is my first posting...we'll see.

So a tiny bit about me. I have been married for 11 wonderful years to truly my best friend. We started out as friends, well kinda. I thought he was a jerk the very first time I talked to him. Who does he think he is? What an a$$! This preceded about 5 years of friendship before we realized that there was a reason we were such good friends...we were apparently in love. So, here we are, all these years later, and I still say, OMG (Ok, I might be 12 after all) I married him? My best buddy? I could not have made a better choice. To underline the fact, not only do we work at the same company, we do the same thing, have the same boss and sit right next to each other. A lot of 24x7 love in our house.

We have 3 wonderful children. And yes, they are the cutest, the brightest, the most adorable children in the whole world. Yours might be all that too...but mine are these best. I am just gonna lay that right out there, cause really, isn't it what we all think of our own?

We have a 6 year old son, who just started 1st grade. Care to guess how many calls we have received from the school which has only been in session for 2 weeks? 6 calls. Enough said....

We also have twin 2 year olds...a little girl and boy. My youngest son was just recently seen running through the house with a sock in his mouth...think little yellow lab puppy and that is him. My daughter...barks commands like "No running! Walk!" and so and so...NO! NO! Bad!...all the while standing on top of the kitchen table. When reprimanded, she will turn the sweetest dimpled smile on you that just melts your heart...I am in soooooo much trouble with that one.

We live the suburban life. We have a mini-van...I'm sorry, you just can't look cool in a minivan. I refuse to drive it. We live in Cow-Hampshire...but the cool part. Yes, there is one...

And that is it.

So, now I need your help....help me blog. Oh yeah... I totally forgot about the Ann Landers type column I did in school...I just remembered it. Huh...anyway....help me find some direction in my life. In the meantime, I will just keep everyone up to date on the going's on in this circus.

We can all do this together...any maybe learn something as we do it. Nothing is a mistake if you learn something from it. Oh geez...I am channeling all that Karma stuff from one of my bestest friends who thinks I listen to her when she goes on about the chakra-kahn and her healing stones. I just smile politely and nod.

So, hello world...I am here! I am stepping through the crazy Poltergeist door, hopping into one of those flying hotwheels and going for it!

xox

Kerri - Blogger

ps...my profile pic sums it up....doing shots out of Sippy Cups. Now, that is a Mom!